I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
