there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
