You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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