I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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