I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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