dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
