i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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