Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
