Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
