grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
