I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
