Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
love makes seman taste better
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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