Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
