no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
