They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just want nice things and good sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
