you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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