I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
