i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize