Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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