this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
