I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
