It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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