She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
