Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
