Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize