its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
