the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
