I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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