i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
