can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
