Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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