We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
