I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
