It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
