and she was petting her beer can
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
