He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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