You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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