I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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