I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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