Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
