Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
