how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
