I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
