I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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