i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
