I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
