well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize