last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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