We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
