my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
