Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize